012.Old White Guys from 1891-1895

The great thing about being Governor General is that if you really despise someone you can make sure they never become Prime Minister. This may also be an argument for why we shouldn’t have a Governor General.

I’ve been thinking of retitling this site “Old White Guys from 1850-1917″ because it seems like that’s all I talk about especially Mackenzie Bowell who makes his second (third?) appearance here. But I know you all love Mackenzie Bowell, that lovable yet incompetent PM. In some ways Aberdeen was right because probably the only person who was a worse PM than Bowell was Tupper. So it was a small step up anyway. Thankfully, neither of them spent a long time in office. This was part of the “4 PMs over 4 Years” period of 1891-1895. The only not-incompetent one was Thompson, but he had the unfortunate luck of dieing in office which paved the way for Mackenzie Bowell.

012.I Make Ruffles Look GOOD

Screw you America, we have our own Thanksgiving thanks to Martin Frobisher!

While today Thanksgiving in Canada means having a day off to tolerate your family members, when Frobisher held the first formal “thanksgiving” ceremony in 1578 it was more of a “Thank god we didn’t all die in that quest for the Northwest Passage” ceremony. And I think we should have more like that! We should be happier that we don’t all die of things because often we all do stupid things. Darwin would be doing this all day long if he were alive today maybe.

Of course, Aboriginal groups in Canada were having ceremonies to celebrate the crops long before Frobisher, but in terms of Canadian history we tend to see things start when the white dudes do it first in the country.

According to a Wikipedia article on Frobisher, he was a privateer/pirate. Sweet mama pajama! I don’t know what it means, but I imagine that it made his frilly collar doubly badass! No idea to what extent it is true though.

And yes Martin Frobisher, those pants do make your butt look gigantic.

010.Isabella Clark’s Homemade Concoction!

If John A. Macdonald is known for his raging alcoholism (and yes yes that first Prime Ministerial honour and all the work that came with it) then who else but Isabella Clark would make a perfect match. She did, of course, have her own special blend of opium and wine that brought addiction to soaring new heights. Their story (addiction aside) is actually a very sad one, with Isabella Clark dieing very young.

Also they were cousins.

Li(b/t)eralism.

This is another example of me being too literal.

Christina McCall and Stephen Clarkson wrote this line in their biography of Trudeau titled Trudeau and Our Times, Volume 1: The Magnificent Obsession. The quote refers to the fact that, though in some ways he was a divisive leader (especially if you live in Alberta) that we still speak often of him and refer to him.

008.OWNED!

Alexander Mackenzie was the David EisBrenner of Prime Ministers. He was highly principled and proud of his past as a stonemason. He created things like the Supreme Court and the secret ballot, which he probably doesn’t get enough credit for. We forget that people were usually just bribed for beer or beaaten for their votes.

For his time he was a rarity, as he wasn’t a wealthy individual and usually only the rich could be elected to the high office.. He had a clear sense of who he was, what he believed in, and how he should live his life. This included a hatred of patronage. This is all pretty respectable, right! He was totally the Prime Minister you want to bring home to mom.  He was elected in the wake of Macdonald’s acts of patronage in the Pacific Scandal, but would kicked out of office by Macdonald, who managed to charm voters whereas Alexander Mackenzie remained unwaivering in his beliefs – such as his unpopular attempt at free trade with the US. Canadians were unimpressed with a tariff system, as opposed to Macdonald’s National Policy which was much warmer and fuzzier; really, it’s hard to argue with the National Policy – the “Canada will be big and awesome!” argument.

So anyway the above story is actually true, and proves how awesome Alexander Mackenzie is. This was a completely random tour, and he had happened to build the walls there.

Mackenzie also refused to be knighted THREE TIMES by the Queen. He was too proud of his background to accept such a distinction. Would you turn down the Queen? I bet not! Because you are not as badass as Alexander Mackenzie.

The Secret Society of Muttonchops

From left to right; George Brown (nearly assassinated!), Alexander Campbell (kind of boring actually) and Charles Tupper who looks exceedingly grumpy in every picture I’ve seen of him. His enemy Joseph Howe called him “The Wicked Wasp of Cumberland.”

What is a muttonchop, you ask? Well it should be evident from the picture above but if you need more clarification click here.

Of course they would probably never join a secret society revolving around their shared style of facial hair. They probably would have just hated each other.

I guess they kind of missed the trend, but there were no examples that I can find of a CCF/Labour/Progressive/Ginger/United Farmer with muttonchops. They were around at the turn of the century, but either A) at that point it was no longer chique or B) muttonchops are for the rich. I wanted to have a representative of the farther-left to complete the trifecta but none was to be had.

FACT UPDATE!

George Brown once referred to Sir John A. Macdonald as a “grimalkin, crouched at the door of the pantry, watching for mice to come in and out.” I had no idea what that even meant, but thankfully we have things like Wikipedia to show us the way.

ALSO apparently Charles Tupper was a ladies’ man, referred to as “The Ram of Cumberland.” I have to say that I am surprised, but this is the love you get from muttonchops.

005.Late Night with Alexander Morris

Alexander Morris, by some accounts, was a decent guy who started off as a bit of a jerk imperialist but grew to be a more accepting and reasonable person. He played integral roles in negotiating Treaties 3-6 and renegotiating 1 and 2. I can’t help but think this was a difficult job. I’m not sure if he knew that most of the demands they were making would never be kept, but he did realize it eventually. He felt really bad about it, for what it’s worth. Good recent reading on this subject is Robert J. Talbot’s Negotiating the Numbered Treaties, which takes a more sympathetic side to Morris than what is customarily known.

Also, he was terrified of speaking publicly, hence the fact I have him presenting in a town hall, which I’m pretty sure never happened.

And in case you are curious, the Treaty he is referencing in this comic is Treaty 4.

Dammit Jim, I’m a Parliamentarian

What do Brian Mulroney (the 18th Prime Minister of Canada) and Dr. Leonard McCoy have in common? Both were nicknamed Bones! Mulroney was called that in University and it really didn’t stick, but there you go anyway. He looks surly in this picture, as McCoy would be, but I suspect Mulroney wasn’t that surly in real life.

Is this PM Mulroney or Airbus/Schreiber Affair Mulroney? I’d say somewhere in between, probably closer to the former than the latter. In case you wanted your timelines sorted out.

004.With All Respect to Dr. Granatstein

So of course I do not want Canadian historian Jack Granatstein dead, and I certainly hope he isn’t murdered tonight because I suddenly might find myself a suspect.

I’m pretty sure I don’t even know anyone who will get this joke. The joke is that Granatstein has written several books including “Who Killed Canadian History?” and “Who Killed The Canadian Military?”

I can’t say I agree with Granatstein on many points, particularly on his military positions. I just always felt that he was an old war buff that wanted the good old days back, but that’s a pretty shallow reading I know. I will give him credit for his respect of Canadian history, but in “Who Killed Canadian History?” I partially disagreed with his assertion that we need to teach more political history, despite the fact that I love that topic myself.

I’ll also give him the credit in that he does look better in real life, though with my illustration you would not know it.

In Brightest Day

Couldn’t stop thinking about this after the last post.

You will note that A) Bowell looks as pissy as ever and B) Orange Order/Lantern Bowell is much more trim and muscular.

It should also be clarified that  members of the Orange Order do not have power rings. But they did have power, so maybe a comic about them will come along one day.